That sinking feeling, in Stoke-on-Trent

All hell has broken loose here in Stoke-on-Trent. In a bid to stop binge drinking fire eaters and a man on stilts have been asked to take to the streets. Are they mad? Who in their right mind would go onto the streets of Newcastle-under-Lyme on one of the biggest party nights of the year with inflammable liquid... Do health and safety know?? Let's face it, after 14 pints some hoodlum is going to fancy having a go and then in a puff of smoke they'll be on trolley at the University Hospital of North Staffordshire quicker than you can say Snow White... And the man on stilts. You can just see it as someone who has had a couple of shandies rolls up with an axe and tries to chop him down.
You can just hear the conversation: "Oh, look, there's a man on stilts, I must remember not to drink 20 shots of Vodka and then vomit in the street..."
It's just not going to happen. What next? How about in an attempt to stop drug-taking on the streets of Stoke-on-Trent we are sending in the clowns..."Oh, look, I won't be injecting heroin today because there's a really funny clown..." Really?!
For more hilarity, pop along to The Sentinel...

In a spin in Stoke-on-Trent

There's a lot of sadness here in Stoke-on-Trent. Pensioner Arthur Colclough has been found dead in a Stoke-on-Trent City Council bungalow. He could have been dead for weeks. No-one knows. His neighbours asked for help and contacted the city council. They say the authority failed to act. So Arthur had a lonely death in his stinking home in Longport, which had no electricity or gas. Not long ago, the same thing happened to one of Mr Colclough's neighbours. Just a few doors away Terence Whatmore was found alone suffering from hypothermia. He died shortly afterwards. The coroner asked for measures to be taken to ensure that this didn't happen again. Nothing was done. The council shrugs its broad shoulders. Its only reply to Arthur's death comes in a 50-word statement. Bizarrely, it says that Mr Colclough had not asked for help in recent weeks. Did any think that maybe this was because he was dead...

This is a PR department which will cost taxpayers £940,000 during the next three years. Value for money? Or would this money be better spent on making sure that vulnerable old people don't die alone in their squalid council homes... Should you care to read more on life in Stoke-on-Trent, why not visit The Sentinel...

Off to Castro's Cuba from Stoke-on-Trent

We're all a bit disgruntled here in Stoke-on-Trent. According to The Sentinel, three care workers have been sacked for talking about the place they work on Facebook and putting a picture of one of their mates from the home, pictured in the home, on the site. Has anyone died? Has the reputation of the home been diminished? Was this a terror attack? Has any criminal offence been committed? No, no, no no. Unless there is a secret to be told, at best, these three should have had a warning...but was it even worth that? So far in the last seven days in Stoke-on-Trent we have been told that takeaways are banned, sex shops are banned, walking on the cracks in pavements is banned, freedom of speech, banned, even banning something is now banned.

What in heaven's name (sorry, can't say heaven, banned) is going on????? The nanny state has truly taken over. Soon children will be banned from leaving their homes in Stoke-on-Trent unless they are covered in bubble wrap to protect them against the weather. Or Stoke ~City fans will be banned from singing Why Delilah? because it will give them a sore throat.

There's so such leftie, PC nonsense going on that you'll find more freedom in Castro's right index finger than Gordon Prudent's Stalinist state.

Should you wish to learn more about life in the Potteries, go to The Sentinel's website...

Strictly Stoke-on-Trent

In an attempt to lose a few pounds (not money, weight) before Christmas here in Stoke-on-Trent we have come up with the idea of ballroom dancing during our lunch breaks.

Well if old Brucie can do aged 146, we should be able to give it a bash. The idea came from an article in The Sentinel. I had two concerns. Firstly, who would want to dance with me, I've got two left feet, and secondly, why our office junior had an unhealthy interest in wearing a sequined dress. It made me think about who from the Potteries would give Brucie a run for his money on Strictly. How about football legend Alan Hudson for his silky footwork; Phil "The Power" Taylor for his ability to throw fellow dancers across the floor in a straight line; Nick Hancock for his talent to tell better jokes than Mr Generation Game or Stoke City player Mama Sidibe because he can leap higher than anyone else...Anyway, three people turned up to our own version of lunchtime Strictly and it quickly turned into a farce when I tried to lift our 18st human resources manager. At the time, it seemed a good idea. It didn't seem to do Austin Healey any harm. Three hours later, I firmly believe I made an error of judgment as I wait on a trolley in a corridor at the University Hospital of North Staffordshire. My fear is not the treatment of the slipped disc but what other illnesses I may acquire...should you wish to read more about life in the Potteries, go to The Sentinel...

Time for a fag, in Stoke-on-Trent...

Rebellion in the ranks in Stoke-on-Trent. I've just started smoking because the Government, headed by old Gordon Prudent, are bullying smokers into giving up. In defiance I'm now smoking 20 nails in the coffin a day to add to the poor record of smokers who litter the streets of the Potteries.

The advantage is that I'm now up with the gossip which seeps from the smoking shelter just outside our HQ in Smoke-on-Trent... The disadvantages are that I look as white as a tin of Dulux gloss, I smell, I've a permanent cough and I'm broke...£5.84 a pack!!??

However, it's a small price to pay to uphold the freedoms of our country and prevent Brownie from moving us into a Stalinist state.

My newsagent in Stoke-on-Trent is having a ball. Under new rules he will have to cover up cigarettes and they will be sold under the counter.

In preparation for this he has hidden all the cigarettes in the shop and asks customers to play "hide and seek" to find the naughty cancer sticks amongst his copies of The Sentinel...

All very well if you've got hours to spend and don't have to jump onto a First bus. This made me wonder what else is the Government going to hide because it's bad for you?

Should they hide butter because it could help give you a heart attack? What about petrol, it's bad for the atmosphere...and alcohol, doesn't do your liver much good.

The "hide and seek" policy is tried and tested, after all, you can never find an MP when you want one... Meanwhile, from my covert observation point somewhere in Stoke-on-Trent I've spotted Robbie Williams.

As predicted by me and not Midas, Stoke City's very own fortune teller, Robbie is destined to return home.

Ok, he may have decided to snub Stoke-on-Trent for Wiltshire but I'm sure he can be persuaded to buy a house in Burslem.
I mean, for £7m, the boy could buy the whole of Burslem and have some change...for more stories on life in Stoke-on-Trent, pop along to The Sentinel...

Ho, ho, ho, in Stoke-on-Trent

Things have finally got out of hand here in Stoke-on-Trent. The office Christmas meal ended up as a bit of a cold turkey.

It all started when the MD decided we would have a themed festive gathering based on old Mr Oche himself, Phil 'The Power' Taylor.

So there we were, 101 of us with pillows tied round our wastes for a fuller figure look, (except for the large lady from human resources) and garish short-sleeved shirts worn by all on the coldest day of the year.

Unfortunately, boy in a suit, our 15-year-old consultant from Berwick-upon-Tweed, took things too far and bought his own darts and board.

This was fine until after half a glass of Blue Nun he decided to throw the dart at the balloons hanging over the MD's table.

Well, the rest, as they say is history. The dart missed the balloons by a country mile and dropped like a lead balloon straight into the MD's right thumb before he was about to tuck into his stale bread roll. Chaos ensured.

A trip to the University Hospital of North Staffordshire loomed large and he left the building looking like a dishevelled Teletubby, pillow hanging around his thigh and his white with purple and green spotted shirt improved (...in my opinion) with a dash of blood spread randomly between the dots.

Anyway, the point was that this was no fine dining experience in Stoke-on-Trent. Where was The Sentinel's food critic Alan Cookman when you need him to encourage the chef to pull his finger out and cook something that isn't in the charred remains cookbook.

The roasties were burnt, I failed to recognise the sausage wrapped in bacon until it was pointed out to me by the waiter and the turkey was more akin to my brown leather gloves in taste and colour...

The only highlight were the Brussels, not for eating, of course. They were so undercooked they were perfect for the annual food fight.

Our table won as always, as serviettes were waved frantically in submission. The moral? Do as I always do at Christmas, sit next to members of the local cricket team, their sprout-throwing is something to behold...

If you care to read more about life in the Potteries, pop along to The Sentinel...

Feel the power in Stoke-on-Trent

Here in my covert observation point in deepest Stoke-on-Trent there are muted celebrations. Super-hero Phil "The Power" Taylor, the 13 times world darts champ, is to appear in Coronation Street. According to my copy of The Sentinel, Mr Bullseye is heading for the Rovers Return in the disguise of Disco Dave.
I say muted celebrations for a reason. While we are delighted that Burslem's finest will appear on TV, there are fears that his wit, dashing good looks (mmmmm...well, in the right light), cult-figure status and his Stokieness (...just made that up) might force TV execs into offering The Power a bigger role, thus depriving the oche of a living legend.
So while we are overjoyed for Phil, we are hoping that he puts in a below performance in the Rovers to ensure his safe return to the Potteries...and the oche.
The world darts championships without Phil is like oatcakes without cheese and bacon, unsavoury...
Should you wish to find more legends from Stoke-on-Trent, why take some time out and visit The Sentinel...

No longer the wonder of Woolies in Stoke-on-Trent (or South Cheshire)

Picking over the embers of a dying empire left me with a sour taste in my mouth. What drove me to walk inside good old Woolworths, in Sandbach, I'll never know.
Maybe it was a sense of something unusual going on inside. In fact, what was unusual for this high street legend was that it was packed to the rafters with shoppers
You couldn't move inside. But this once glorious shop now resembled at best a jumble sale, that is the start of a jumble sale, when traders push innocent punters aside to get their hands on the best of what's on offer.
As I stood taking in the atmosphere, all I could smell was death of an institution. But this did not concern shoppers who eyed a bargain.
It was like attending a wake, when cold-blooded relatives pocket something valuable from the house of the deceased before anyone notices that it has disappeared.
Across Stoke-on-Trent I'm sure the same scenario was acted out. It all seemed so desperate. Desperate for the 30,000 Woolies staff who face an uncertain future and desperate for the shoppers to grab a bargain before they become the victims of the credit crunch.
And just a short distance down the road the death toll was loud and clear for that other retail giant MFI.
White vans queued up outside the store in Stoke-on-Trent like hearses destined for the cemetery. Brightly-coloured signs gleefully screamed 'Closing Down Sale, Everything Must Go', but there was no glee in the faces of shoppers or staff.
Indeed, there was a certain furtiveness about the shoppers, a feeling that they didn't want to be seen making profit while there was so much loss.
Like children in the sweet shop, they didn't want to be seen stealing the penny chews.
Should you wish to read more on life in North Staffordshire and South Cheshire pop along to The Sentinel...

Time for a Pina Colada in Stoke-on-Trent

Talk about depressed...the igloo is now a pool of water. The threatened 12 foot deep snow drifts for Stoke-on-Trent are no-where to be seen and I'm outside the office, Hawaiian shirt on, sitting on a stripey deckchair sipping a Pina Colada.
Yes, welcome to December in Stoke-on-Trent. The suns out and three members of staff are sunbathing on the lawn outside our offices in Stoke-on-Trent.
How on earth the female members of staff just happened to have bikinis with them will remain a mystery for many years to come.
I know I have been like some demented weatherman this week but all this talk of snow in Stoke-on-Trent has ruined my life.
After two days of sleeping in the office and 422 verses of "One Green Bottle Standing On The Wall" sung out of tune with the office junior, I've had enough.
Even the MD has surrendered and refuses to talk to any of us. We realised at 10.50pm last night that it was futile waiting for the snow so we called an impromptu office Christmas party.
We dashed into the Las Vegas of the north, known locally as Hanley, and to make up for lost time ordered 200 quadruple vodkas with ice (this was the only ice I saw all night)...
Today I'm pleased that we only drank 198. The other two would have been crucial as to whether a member of staff would have had to pay a visit to the A&E unit.
We could not have faced waiting 63 hours for a University Hospital of North Staffordshire bed as someone did in a story reported today in the The Sentinel.
But then again, getting a bed of any kind after two days of kipping on the floor of the office would be a welcome relief...

For whom the jingle bells toll in Stoke-on-Trent

Day 2 in the igloo and after approximately four minutes sleep in the office last night, a proper severe weather warning alert has bounced onto my computer screen as I sit sadly at my desk in Stoke-on-Trent.

I fear the worse. The war spirit was invoked by the MD last night to ensure we didn't go home and so that no-one could offer the "we're stuck in snow" excuse (which roughly translated means we're not going to turn up to work, we're off into Hanley for some Christmas shopping).

Not even the "Red Cross" whisky could help the pain of sleeping under the desk disappear. Now the prospect of another night at Hotel Mayhem looms large.

The MD, who can holdly speak this morning after taking the lead in 44 renditions of Jingle Bells, the last one at 3am today, is huskily encouraging us to sleepover for just one more night.

There is already a history of Stoke-on-Trent shutting down if the snow fall goes over 1cm in 10 hours. Gridlock looms large and we can only hope that Michael Fish has issued the weather warning and got it wrong again...

The office junior's voice broke overnight and he has offered to do the baritone part of While Shepherds Wash Their Socks At Night...

Wearily, I've accepted my lot, and while I wait for another night in Stoke-on-Artic I look for some entertainment and turn to my favourite web site for local news, The Sentinel...

Snow fun in Stoke-on-Trent

Today I'm blogging from inside my igloo somewhere in Stoke-on-Trent...it's chaos here, roads closed, people unable to get to work and more soup being drunk than beer at the last Christmas party.
There are rumours of a sleepover at our offices located in the heart of Stoke-on-Trent. Already the cleaner has been making up beds under the desks.
Due to a shortage of blankets we are now shredding paper to form bedding and flattening ink cartridge boxes and sticking them together to form blankets.
The MD has called for urgent military back-up or at the very least Red Cross parcel containing at least two dozen bottles of whisky and/or brandy.
To keep warm other senior managers have ordered hourly sing-a-longs (with the exception of the office junior who has been asked to mime because it would appear that his voice has still not quite broken.)
As I survey the winter wasteland, the 3mm of snow disappears and I wonder how life in the Artic never grinds to a halt yet a puff of snow in the Potteries becomes the bigger crisis since John Sergeant left Strictly Come Dancing...
Apparently we should blame the council gritters which failed to grit some of our hilly roads...well, at least it's an excuse of some kind...gritters that don't grit?!
For more news from Stoke-on-Artic, why not pop along to The Sentinel...

Air raid warnings in Stoke-on-Trent

Stoke City's Rory Delap, aka The Human Catapult, has a new weapon in his armoury, a towel. Desperate to get a grip of the ball before its thrown like a torpedo into the 18 yard box to cause football's equilvalent to Armageddon, towels were placed round The Britannia at the weekend to help out Mr Slingshot.
The opposing force, Hull City, had a clever plan to counteract old windmill arms. They used that wily old performer Dean Windass in a clever destraction tactic.
As Mr Delap was winding up to throw the ball into the box, Deano just happened to be warming up as few feet away.
It seemed Stoke City's towel plan had been out-manoeuvred by those Tigers from the east, until the ref booked Windass.
That gave Rory a free rein to wreak havoc near the Hull goal. Innovation though is the key to Mr Delap's 40 metre throw being effective.
Perhaps, a towel may not be good enough to dry the ball. Should Stoke City put hairdryers around the ground? This might speed up the drying experience.
What about letting Rory put on Marigolds for extra grip or a pair of wicket keeping gloves...an air raid siren could also be effective.
It worked for little old Lincoln City for many years. As the home side took a corner the siren would blast out...opposing defenders would look to the heavens in fear of an approaching German bomber.
By the time they realised they were in 1999 and not 1939, Lincoln had scored...for more Stoke City news, pop along to The Sentinel....

NHS conspiracy in Stoke-on-Trent

Everyone is getting rather hot under the collar over the lack of hospital beds at the University of North Staffordshire Hospital, as reported in The Sentinel.
There are angry cries that the NHS is in crisis and whispers that Tony Blah and Gordon Prudent have conned the public by claiming that they were the saviours of the NHS.
In Stoke-on-Trent, we beg to differ. They are not saviours. A picture on the front page of The Sentinel shows patients on trolleys lining the corridor of the A&E unit.
Some patients have waited up to 12 hours to see a doctor (...they are the lucky ones. I tried to book an appointment at my local GPs the other day and was asked if an appointment in two weeks' time would be OK? I replied saying that was fine and I would ensure they had an invite to my funeral...I got an appointment within the hour.)
Anyway, back to the point. Recently, I contended that it was fine to offer patients appalling food at the same Stoke-on-Trent hospital because it ensured that inmates left as soon as they could for some home-cooked food rather than face a slow death-by-starving.
This means less beds were blocked. So, the latest strategy of having patients lying in corridors will have the same effect.
It will ensure that ill locals will decide to sweat it out at home rather than face lying in a corridor in the hope of seeing a doctor.
Who needs to pay consultants to sort out the bed blocking crisis? Rubbish food and a Third World image of patients in corridors will do the trick. I'm off to renew my Bupa membership. Should you wish to read more go to The Sentinel...

Day trip to Blackburn from Stoke-on-Trent

Stoke City, lauded throughout the Premier League for their free-flowing Brazilian-style of play, have once again pulled a rabbit out of the proverbial hat.
Desperate to thank fans for their loyalty, the club has agreed to pay for supporters to go to... Blackburn. A top Christmas gift?!
While this is a fine gesture will be greeted with glee, you've got to think that going from Stoke-on-Trent to Blackburn is a bit of a step down?
Now if it had been Barcelona or Roma, East Stirling (east where?), or even Boston, Lincolnshire, the flattest place on earth...but Blackburn.
It's a bit like the Christmas present from your auntie, you know, the present you don't want, the hand-knitted pullover...
So what has Blackburn got to offer those who make the trip from Stoke-on-Trent. Well it's home to Thwaites beer and "famous" sons include broadcaster Russell Harty, rugby player Will Greenwood and antiques TV show legend Ian McShane.
And, of course, a famous lyric in the Beatles' song 'A day in the Life'..."four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire"...
So, is it really worth the free rider on a smelly coach to the land of whippets, black pudding and flat caps...? You decide. Should you wish to read more about the footballing legends of Stoke City, go to The Sentinel...

Gordon Brown exposed in Stoke-on-Trent

Here in Stoke-on-Trent we've spotted what old 'Prudent' Brown is up to. The sly old fox realises that he will get a kicking at the next election from that young upstart and professional slime-ball David von Cameron.
Smarmy Davy boy looks likely to kick some butt and enter Number 10 despite the fact that he doesn't have too many admirers in the Potteries.
But he is going to find that the Bank of Government is a trillion pounds in the red and the only way of getting the cash back is from raising taxes (not very Tory) or slashing and burning public services (popular among those who pay a fortune in taxes for posts such as "senior officer for the Stoke-on-Trent City Council who teaches complete thugs to do flower arranging before they go and beat up a granny"...)
So Davy's sickly smile will soon become rather glum when he realises he will have to become more unpopular than Maggie Thatcher to slash the national debt.
He'll be out of power quicker than you can say Not Now (Alistair) Darling...meanwhile, back in Stoke-on-Trent we're not bother...
This is because we are only one of two places in Britain where house prices have actually risen during le crunch...homes have gone up by a staggering 0.9 per cent meaning that you can buy a five-bed home in Stoke-on-Trent, with double garage, jacuzzi, half-an-acre of land, for £15,000...
For more tales from the Potteries, go to The Sentinel...

Time for Robbie Williams to come home to Stoke-on-Trent

Robbie Williams has obviously had enough of hanging out with all the nerds in down town LA. He wants to come home to Stoke-on-Trent.
How do I know? Well, the clues are all there...even Clouseau would solve this case. Firstly, there's the not so secret return to Stoke-on-Trent a couple of weeks' ago when he was caught at the Vale and then later at the Leopard Hotel, in Burslem.
Now Robbie is writing a blog about the "old days"... he's a bit young to get all tearful and bottom lip quivering over life in the Potteries, a clear sign of home sickness.
It will cost you £30 to view Robbie's tear-jerker (I wouldn't pay this for a week with the Robster at his home let alone chance to read the blog) and you get the chance to nip down to memory lane with the former Take That man.
Clue three is that Robbie was spotted cosying up to Barlow at a football match where he proclaimed his love of Man U (that's a football club near Stoke-on-Trent and in a higher division than the Vale).
And clue four to the crooner's return to Stoke-on-Trent is that we know his mum, who lives near Stoke-on-Trent, can keep an eye on Robbie, who needs a bit of TLC to keep him off anything naughty.
To close the case for Robbie's return... he'll realise that nothing has changed since he left, so he'll feel completely at home within the time he can give us a quick rendition of Angels.
The Robster will find Stoke-on-Trent is still stuck in circa 1971, Hanley looks like a poor man's Beirut, Vale are still rubbish and Take That are still good without him...
If you want to read more of Robbie's bygones pop along to The Sentinel...
PS: As I close the case for the prosecution it comes to light that The Leopard, the hotel Robbie visited on his recent return, is up for sale...perhaps the pop idol fancies the Burslem hot-spot as his new home...?????

Getting your sums right in Stoke-on-Trent

It transpires that those who run our education system in Stoke-on-Trent aren't bad at getting their sums right.
Those clever people at Stoke-on-Trent Council have worked out that there will be 1,600 children who won't have a place at a senior school in 10 years' time.
The not so clever part is that they are errrrrrrrrrr...going to do nothing about this. This is because the council is just about to bulldoze many of the schools and build sparkling new academies. So there will be Bob the Builders everywhere knocking up classrooms.
The problem is that as soon as the builders' bums have disappeared from these sites they'll be back for more cups of tea to put up new classrooms for the extra numbers.
It just makes no sense, unless the council is trying to run a work creation scheme. It will also be more costly.
Simply, the new schools should be built, with the spare capacity in place for the flood of extra kids. This would be an effective use of builders and our money. But no. We are talking about Government and councils here.
If they can find a way of spending more of our money for no apparent reason then they will. If you want to read more, pop along to The Sentinel...

Brainless in Stoke-on-Trent

Acts of brainless stupidity have broken out in Stoke-on-Trent. Carers have withdrawn from helping out an immobile and incontinent pensioner because her husband had a starting pistol for pigeon racing in their house.
So care firm Creative Support, employed by Stoke-on-Trent City Council, just pulled out of helping poor old Nancy Nicklin. They just didn't turn up, leaving Nancy and husband John to carry on alone.
You would have thought that after all the anger over how social services behaved in the Baby P case that a bit more cerebral activity would go on before leaving a helpless pensioner without any care.
Now they've been given two care visits instead of four while an investigation into the "gun" incident is carried out.
Pathetic. Creative Care and Stoke-on-Trent City Council should hang their collective heads down in shame.
This so-called gun doesn't even fire anything. It is no worse than a child having a cap gun. It just goes bang! Even Staffordshire police say it's OK.
If care workers are going to stop visiting because of this what next? What about the seven inch knife most people have in their kitchen draw to carve their Sunday roast?
"Sorry sir, we cannot visit you from now on because you have an offensive carving knife..your wife will just have to get bed sores..." Great.
It's time that council and care services stopped sticking to the rules and started making some judgements using commonsense.
Anyone using a bit of sense would have realised that Baby P was in severe danger and needed to be removed from his family immediately. Anyone with commonsense would realise that a starting gun is not a dangerous weapon.
If you feel like letting off some steam, pop along to The Sentinel...

Acts of stupidity in Stoke-on-Trent, near Marbella

"Hell hath no fury like a headteacher scorned"... sometime ago in The Sentinel a story appeared about a head taking his staff to Marbella for a meeting.
The trip was cancelled after all parties realised that it was not a popular choice. Stoke-on-Trent parents were angry, governors concerned and some teachers miffed that they would have to give up a weekend of their own time in the land of sand, sea and sangria.
After the plug was pulled on the away days the matter should have been left to simmer down. But due to a massive dose of stupidity, the row rumbles on. Two governors' meetings to discuss the matter have been cancelled. A governor has resigned.
This governor, Don Evans, dared to speak his mind to the press, naughty boy.
The head, Peter Mercer, should have bowed out of the row gracefully. But the combative Mr Mercer has decided to write to the Cabinet Office questioning whether Mr Evans, who has served as a governor for 30 years, has any right to hold on to his MBE.
Talk about adding fuel to the fire. And to make matters worse, a copy of the letter was then posted on the school's staff noticeboard.
Mr Mercer needs to stand in a corner for a while and reflect on his behaviour. Alternatively, he could resign. Should you be minded, there's more to read on this by going to The Sentinel...

Going 'mental' in Stoke-on-Trent

Is the use of the word 'mental ' derogatory to people with mental health problems?
Here in Stoke-on-Trent at one of our fine education establishments, Staffordshire University, the frisbee team are in deep trouble with the students' union.
For the last six years those wacky frisbee players have been called the Mental Discs. But now the right on union have called time on the team and banned them using the name.
Union president Fiona Wood says the use of the word could be "misconstrued and it felt uncomfortable."
But it seems that the union may have taken things a little far. Even a mental health group in Stoke-on-Trent says that changing the name of the team will have little effect on reducing the stigma.
And are we also going to condemn all those children across Stoke-on-Trent and Britain today who will use the word mental in the playground?
Over the last few years the way people have used the word 'mental' has changed. Rather than referring to people with health problems it is more associated with people being off-the-wall, creative, fun and with character.
It is another example of how the English language has evolved. In reality, when people use it, it is not as a derogatory term and in no way refers to people with mental health problems.
I'm afraid the PC crowd have just got it wrong. We are all becoming too sensitive and precious. Are we going to ban the use of the word sex because it will offend people who aren't having any sex? Are we going to ban the use of the word football because some people can't play? What about banning the use of the word mortgage because it's insensitive as some people can't get one? Let's ban the word recession because it upsets people. Why not just come clean and ban all forms of communication? Then no-one will get upset. Should you wish to read more go to The Sentinel...
PS: Should we ban mental arithmetic...discuss...

Going round the bend in Stoke-on-Trent

My favourite road/cemetery, the part of the M6 which borders Stoke-on-Trent provided me with yet another moment of horror within the last 24 hours.
Every day you take your life in your own hands as you negotiate what must be the most dangerous road in Britain, if not the world.
So there I was, heading north away from Stoke-on-Trent watching the speeding lorry drivers swaying across the lanes and the 4x4 lunatics doing 120mph (I was driving at a sedate 70mph) when a flashing sign caught my eye.
It took a few brief seconds to realise what the words meant. They simply said: "Oncoming traffic".
Next to this was the advice to travel at 20mph. I slowed and the 4x4s and lorries went faster, overtaking me on the inside and outside lane (they would have driven through me if I they could).
My only thought was that as I travelled north, a vehicle was hurtling towards me at 80mph...No-one else seemed bothered as they headed away from Stoke-on-Trent.
Fortunately, the old bill had spotted a car travelling south on the northbound carriageway. I caught a glimpse of the driver, with his BMW (need I say more) pointing towards me as I passed.
For a moment I considered pulling up and punching the driver for putting us all at risk through his sheer studpidity, but decided it was better to leave it to the police to deliver the right kind of justice.
For more horror stories from the M6, visit The Sentinel...

Stoke-on-Trent expects

So, now it's payback time...because we now own half of the greedy high street banks and building societies, and we saved their jobs, we in Stoke-on-Trent expect some humility.
This should be in the form of immediate interest rate cuts to help those who are struggling to pay their mortgages.
However, despite Gordon Brown advocating mortgage rates are cut, the naughty bankers are saying that they will think about reducing interest rates to customers.
Think?! What is there to think about? The people of Stoke-on-Trent demand a cut. If it wasn't for us you wouldn't have an office to think in...
It's our tax payments that has saved these firms which have mishandled their businesses so badly that they were going down the pan.
Yet, I've never seen a word of thanks. All we hear is we maybes or mights and "any chance we can still have our bonus..."
These people have got to get real. Surely Gordon can step in and tell them to slash rates or he will pull the funding on behalf of the good people of Stoke-on-Trent (and Britain)...
To keep up with this story, pop along to The Sentinel...

Tattoo trouble in Stoke-on-Trent

So why do people need tattoos? You can always tell the Brits abroad, they're the ones with the wall to wall tattoos waiting to get on a plane while smoking a fag.
It's not art and it's not pretty. Tattoos look OK for about 30 seconds. But as you get older the tattoos get more repulsive. They just lack class. Even David Beckham's are looking a bit cheap and nasty and he can afford the finest tattooist in the land.
However, would you employ someone who had a tattoo on his face? This is the question causing much debate across Stoke-on-Trent.
Security guard Tim Bibby has been prevented from getting work at NCP because of the tattoo on his mug. NCP say they are following orders from Richard Branson's chums at Virgin.
Just think what would happen if Virgin banned beards...
Personally, I don't know what all the fuss is about. What will happen next? You can't have a job because you're ugly, or overweight, or your eyes are too close together.
Virgin's blanket ban on tattoos not being visible doesn't seem very liberal considering their boss has a hairstyle from circa 1973...
So, if you want to read more and pass a comment, go to The Sentinel...

Out-gunned in Stoke-on-Trent

In 1999 Alex Ferguson said those immortal lines after Manchester United won the European Cup with just seconds to go. They were: "Football. Bloody hell."
OK, they are hardly eloquent and wouldn't pass as great philosophy, but somehow it sums up what most fans feel every week of their life.
Here in Stoke-on-Trent we have had a touch of the Fergie's after Stoke City sent Arsenal packing at the weekend. Simply, Arsenal didn't fancy standing up to Stoke City, a team that may not seem fit to grace the high table of the "big four" but with passion and courage overcame their slicker opponents.
To put it simply, Arsenal, the Gunners, left the Britannia Stadium a bit shell-shocked after Stoke's not so secret weapon, Rory Delap's long throw, caused chaos in the Gunners' ranks. Just a couple of days' earlier he had delivered the same knock-out punch to hapless Sunderland. Ok, it's not pretty, but who cares?
One punter has already suggested that Fifa will get involved and ban long throws (!!!) because they don't want Stoke City to gatecrash the Premier League party and would rather they wallow in the depths of the Championship!
Should you be minded to read more, pop along to The Sentinel...

Once bitten, twice shy in Stoke-on-Trent

There's something wrong about having to travel hundred miles across Europe to get your teeth fixed.
I admire Stoke-on-Trent nurse Christine Hughes for her initiative in getting on a plane to Hungary to save £20,000, so she can have a million dollar smile.
But why should she have to leave Britain at all? It's a disgrace that the treatment in Hungary cost £9,970 compared with the whopping £30,000 she faced paying here.
I accept that it might be more expensive here, but £21,000 more expensive?! Without sounding like Victor Meldrew, the dental service in this country is just not what it used to be.
There was a time when we could all get quailty NHS treatment. Now most of us have to fight tooth and nail (yes, that's the joke) to get our teeth seen.
Most dentists don't seem interested in the NHS or treating NHS patients. I've managed to retain NHS treatment but are made to feel like a low-life because I won't pay for private.
I probably could afford to pay, but it's my stand against a Government determined to consign NHS dental care to the history books.
The Government, of course, blames poor old Maggie Thatcher for our dental problems because she closed down dental training schools.
But she is an easy target. Poor old Maggie gets blamed for everything these days including the credit crunch, Third World poverty, cold weather and the fact that Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross need to be surgically removed from public life...
Anyway, if you want to feather the nest of some not-so-hard-up dentist in Budapest rather than paying for a second family Porsche for a dentist in Britain, pop along to The Sentinel...

A policeman's lot is not a happy lot in Stoke-on-Trent (plus, bringing down the Iron Curtain)

Jack Regan from The Sweeney would turn in his grave, if he knew. He would certainly be Oliver Twist. Poor old policemen aren't as tough as we thought...
Things are so bad that they are getting back pain from carrying 7lbs of equipment everyday, according to The Sentinel.
Surely this is an early April Fool's Day joke? But no, it's true. Our cops, those top-notch law-enforcers, are actually not bristling with muscles patrolling the streets "looking for trouble, because troubles their business" (well that's what the maker's of The Bill say).
There was a time when if there was trouble down your street the local Bobbie would give you a thick ear.
Now I'm wondering if the police have the strength to go on the beat...meanwhile, back at the Stoke-on-Trent mayoral elections it's not good news.
The electorate, confused about whether to vote 'yes' or 'no', have decided we do not need an elected mayor.
This is a sad day for Stoke-on-Trent. We are going back-to-the-future with a Kremlin-style council leader voted into power by his old muckers. The people won't have a say.
Even as I write I hear the Iron Curtain being pulled tightly shut across the corridors of power.
This could be the day democracy died in Stoke-on-Trent...there maybe trouble ahead.
If you need to know more, try The Sentinel's website...

Pathetic Stoke-on-Trent councillor

Isn't it strange how some people bite the hand that feeds them. This could be said of gobby Stoke-on-Trent councillor Peter Kent-Baguley.
As a regular reader of The Sentinel, I find his name appears all over the columns, he just can't keep out. Self-publicist comes to mind.
But the worm has turned. And after appearing in last night's paper in a story about the city's referendum, he then decides to use his pathetic little blog to slag off the paper, its owners and the editor.
What Mr KB is annoyed about is that the paper wrote a story he didn't like. So he has spewed his bile across the internet.
However, I think what Mr KB is afraid of is open and democratic discussion. He doesn't mind a discussion as long as it matches his abnoxious opinions
I thought we lived in a democratic country. No, it appears Mr KB has his own views on democracy: "Agree with me or keep it buttoned."
It would seem that it is politicians like him who are holding this fine city back. Like so many councillors he lives by the view of a petulant child, "it's all about me."
Rather than slagging off the newspaper his time would be more wisely used helping to run the city successfully on behalf of its taxpayers.
This sad man should get out of politics because I'm sure there's someone better qualified to be a councillor, someone who spends less time criticising local companies and more time doing what they are supposed to do, looking after the interests of electorate.
If you would like to read more on Stoke-on-Trent life without Mr KB go to The Sentinel...

D-Day looms for Stoke-on-Trent

So my friends, the end is nigh in Stoke-on-Trent. Tomorrow, the three of us who can be bothered, will vote on whether to keep our elected mayoral system.
If we lose, we are all doomed. It means we go back to the old style system where councillors vote their muckers into power.
The council will then go into lock down making the Kremlin of a bygone era seem democratic.
Bizarrely, as I have said before (sorry to bore you), if we vote 'No' tomorrow we will get the chance to have a say over who will govern dear old Stoke-on-Trent through the elected mayoral system.
Even most of the councillors admit that there's no-one they believe should or could be an old-fashioned council leader. I guess I would agree with those sentiments.
So we pray for an elected mayor, a Messiah (or even a decent, bright, intelligent leader) comes to prominence and gets voted in to lead us to the Promised Land...a Stoke-on-Trent we can be proud of...and with a tear in the eye, I would suggest you go to The Sentinel to read more...

Tragedy of the M6 near Stoke-on-Trent

It gives me no pleasure to say I told you so. Just 24 hours after I complained about the horrors of the M6 near Stoke-on-Trent seven people were killed in four separate accidents within hours.
OK, car and lorry drivers are to blame sometimes for these accidents. Yes, I'm not fond of those who tailgate in 4x4s or lorry drivers who drive without consideration as if they are in a scene from Death Race 2000.
But also the Government has blood on its hands. For years ministers have known that this road is dangerous. For years successive they have deferred making a decision on widening or putting in other measures such as extra lighting or speed restrictions to encourage safer driving.
These are the ministers who are happy to pour money into useless wars against the unseen enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Yet when it comes to protecting the lives of drivers (who pay a considerable amount of tax to use the damn roads) they turn a blind eye.
The only noise from Westminster after the latest tragedy is the deafening sound of silence. So, once more, the M6 through Staffordshire and south Cheshire resembles a graveyard.
How many more lives must be lost before something is done? If you are minded to read more about this tragedy, go to The Sentinel's website...

M6 mayhem in Stoke-on-Trent

The M6, NCP's best car park. When is the Government going to pull its finger out and widen the road in Staffordshire and Cheshire?
As soon as those southern wimps cry foul on the M25 it gets widened. We ask for a bit of work in the north and it goes into consultation for a few years.
The road is chaotic, just look at the latest accident yesterday, just an eight car pile-up. And there are so many fatal accidents that the stretch between 14 and 18 has become a cemetery.
Worse offenders are 4x4 drivers who think nothing of driving a yard from your boot while travelling at 90mph.
Add to this the lunatic lorry drivers and no wonder us safe drivers fear using the road which often resembles a scene from Mad Max.
Just a thought, but do lorry drivers want to kill all car drivers? They often speed, block up two of the three lanes and think nothing of pulling out when there's no room.
Then they have the cheek to blame car drivers for their bad drivering. They are the bullies of the road and should be kept out of the way during hours of daylight.
The problem is easy to solve. Ban lorries from the road between 6am and 11pm and lock up all 4x4 drivers.
If you wish to read about the latest carnage on the M6 pop along to The Sentinel...

Question Time in Stoke-on-Trent

Can't see the BBC breaking out of London to make it north to Stoke-on-Trent again. The MPs and celebs got a bit of a kicking from the good folk of the Potteries.
They were ill-prepared to deal with a passionate and informed audience. Their real-life stories of NHS drug postcode lotteries, unemployment and the fight against the BNP left the panel floundering for answers because they all live so far away from the real world.
Did it make Stoke-on-Trent look bad? No, the people of this fair city showed it was able to debate with the best in Britain and come out on top.
Question Time in Stoke-on-Trent was intellecutually stimulating and achingly painful at the sametime. It was compulsive viewing, as long as you were prepared to wear a crash helmet while watching.
Rarely has this programme been so raw, so fascinating.
The golf between the panelists perceptions of life and the dose of reality served up by the audience left our stars, James Caan, Claire Short, Dominic Grieve, Geoff Hoon and Julia Goldsworth, either speechless or groping in the dark for some kind of answer.
With this kind of passion you wonder why any Government would have left Stoke-on-Trent to rot for so long...maybe they are scared of real debate.
If you want to read more, go to The Sentinel.

Parking mad in Stoke-on-Trent

I do not believe that we should pay to park at hospitals. It's a tax on people when generally they are at their most vulunerable, visiting a sick relative or friend.
Most of us want a great NHS, but we already pay enough in taxes for this monster without being taxed for the privilege of visiting our loved ones.
Here in Stoke-on-Trent we are getting a super-hospital. In their wisdom, the planners have not provided enough car parking spaces for the staff...who's clever idea was that?
The management excuse for this oversight is to say they have to cut their carbon footprint so they're looking at a park-and-ride scheme for staff.
First of all, is it me, or does it seem that everytime managers have to do something a bit tricky they blame global warning? You can here the Government excuse, "we are scrapping SATS tests for 14-year-olds not because we are completely useless, but because we want to reduce the amount of carbon emissions created by teenagers taking exams," yeah, really...
Or, "we are sorry the economy is in meltdown, but it's due to climate change..." And I thought it was due to the crass greed of bankers.
So where was I? Right, the other point about this park-and-ride business is that the hospital staff are ignoring their own advice and not taking exercise.
Incredibly, around 1,000 live within a mile of the hospital and many decide to use their gas eating machines.
So there they are, eight hours a day, dishing out lectures on keeping fit to patients then driving a few hundred yards home. I ask you. What about getting on a bike or using your pins?
If you are minded and want to read more, pop to The Sentinel...

Stoke-on-Trent health report

OK, I admit that I was just the two-and-a-half hours late for my NHS appointment. But did I really deserve to be treated like Stoke-on-Trent's modern day Jack the Ripper? I think not.
And then, comes the crunch. When can I have another appointment. Asking for this was like committing one of the mortal sins...
"November sir," came the response, "this year", I said with intrepidation. "No, 2010....." Yes, I know I'm exaggerating, but surely the NHS can do a little better.
After all, as commented on in the good old Sentinel, we are shareholders in the NHS like we are shareholders in half the high street financial institutions.
We should be treated with the respect of shareholders, ushered into doctors' waiting rooms with reverence, not scorned like some badly trained puppy.
In banks and building societies we should be treated as investors not an inconvenience. We are the people keeping all those banks and NHS services, where are the thanks? Where is the humility that staff should show to us for paying their wages?
We dig the country out of a hole and get treated as if it was our fault.
Anyway, I asked whether the NHS could fit me in within the hour as I stood at reception. I have seen busier cemeteries than this bastion of hope. "Sorry sir", "we are too busy"...
If you want to find out what other fun and frolics are taking place in the NHS, pop along to you know what, yes, The Sentinel...

Stoke-on-Trent boo boys

There's so many bleedin' hearts in football. Poor old Ashley Cole. The man who wanted to leave Arsenal because he was only earning £55,000 week...(pause while I grab a Kleenex).
So Ashley, who wouldn't last two minutes if he had a proper job in Stoke-on-Trent, was defended by stand-in England captain Rio (£120,000 a week minimum) Ferdinand who described England fans as "shameful" for booing Ashley.
The only shame in all this is that anyone could defend Cole's 'schoolboy error'.... (sorry if I sound like John Motson....) during the England game.
Every fan has a right to express his view and Cole's pass back to a Kazakhstan player was...pathetic.
It's time for Cole to grow up. Think about all those lads who will never fulfill their dream of doing what he does every week.
Think about poor old Port Vale who looked out for the count until they pulled off a great win this weekend. Think about how hard those lads at Stoke City and Crew Alex work.
To be honest, booing is the least of the problems Cole faces. His main problem is that he can't pass to one of his own players...
If you want to read about real football teams and real players, pop along to The Sentinel website...

Saint Stoke-on-Trent

Mmmmmmmmmmm...something doesn't quite add up in Stoke-on-Trent. Call me cynical or sceptical, or both, but one of the city's best-known developers, St Modwen, appears to have pulled a fast one.
For 10 years the firm has sat on the site of the old Stoke City ground, the Victoria Ground. The company pledged (heard this a few times) to build homes on the land.
Most people fancied this as it is off one of the major gateways into Stoke-on-Trent and we all wanted something to nose at as we travelled along the A50.
Now, out of the blue, and with the housing market in terminal decline (my mud hut is now worth 23 pence, down 14 pence) the firm has decided that due to "market conditions" (yawn...) it is now thinking of building some ugly, faceless warehouses.
Hilariously, St Modwen says they don't want the land to go to waste while the credit crunch is on. Errrrrrrr....so what about the previous 10 years, there wasn't much of a credit crunch on in 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001..........zzzzzzzzzz
Me thinks that St Modwen didn't want to put up houses at all...slap my wrist...how dare you say such a thing...
So much for the regeneration of Stoke-on-Trent, bland, boring warehouses are hardly going to make the area a great place to live, are they?
If you need to know more, visit The Sentinel website...

A slice of custard in Stoke-on-Trent

Do we really want hospital food to be so good that it appears on Master Chef? You see, at the hospital used by Stoke-on-Trent's finest, the University of North Staffordshire, all hell's broken out over the standard of the food.
My local paper, The Sentinel, has described how the custard is so thick that it's served in slices and meals are so late that patients have to be served toast to keep starvation at bay.
But if you think about it, why should hospital food be any good? It never has in the past, and frankly it has not done anyone any harm.
And, if it was any good, it would encourage people to stay in longer and block those beds. So the reality is, we should keep the standards down because it encourages people to leave.
My main concern would be if patients weren't getting fed. This happened to a friend of mine. He was in hopsital six days before staff realised he hadn't had a bite. He was so hungry he would have given his right arm for a slice of custard...
Anyway, if you fancy reading more, pop along to The Sentinel's website...

Confused of Stoke-on-Trent

I'm troubled today. The problem is this. If you want to vote to keep an elected mayor in
Stoke-on-Trent you have to vote no, yes, I said no.
And here lies the problem. A lot of people are commenting on The Sentinel's website saying that they will be voting yes to keep the elected mayor. What they actually mean is no. This city needs an elected mayor.
If it doesn't it will return to the dark days in the corridors of power where the authority is run by a serving councillor and a gang of his mates.
This will be disasterous and mean that Stoke-on-Trent will never become a smasrt 21st century place to dwell.
So unless the good voters of Stoke-on-Trent get their act together and learn to say no, we shall all be heading for the exit door.
Should you wish to learn more go to The Sentinel's website.

Stoke-on-Trent footie trouble

There's trouble brewing in the bowels of the Potteries. For a lifetime Stoke City fans dreamed of top-flight football.
Last season they seemed doomed to fail once more. But by chance and a lot of aerial football, they managed to scramble into the Premier League.
But things are looking gloomy. Second from the foot of the table and with only four points in the bag and the fans are getting restless.
What makes things worse is that we can only sit and admire as Hull City fly high, a team who came up via the play-offs.
Compared to Stoke, Hull are looking like Brazil. If only Stoke would start playing decent football and give up on this 11 man behind the ball business. They set up to draw and lose, never do they set out to win. Championship football here we can.
Read the full gory details on The Sentinel's website...

Barmy in Stoke-on-Trent

As you know, sunny Stoke-on-Trent has been in the national news after an exclusive story in The Sentinel newspaper.
This was about a load of teachers going off to Marbella for a "conference"...mmmmm, really.
The national hacks have been falling over themselves to stick their boot into a northern city. They just love it.
(By the way, have you noticed that ever since the BBC announced that they were moving a large chunk of their operations to Manchester that they now regularly do stories about the city which portray it in a terrible light? Those southerners must hate the fact that they have to leave grotty London to move to a top city...)
Anyway, back to Stoke-on-Trent. As you know, the trip to Spain was cancelled as the teachers turned up at the school with their luggage in tow.
Now the head, having got himself into a complete mess is claiminig he may try and get some money off the hotel and airlines!
This bloke is going to have to join the real world soon. If you want to see the whole story, pop along to The Sentinel's website...

Bus stops here in Stoke-on-Trent

So that's the answer. Unbelievable. After years of decline in Stoke-on-Trent the answer to prosperity according to our councillors is to have a bus station that looks like the one in...Barnsley.
So, I don't have any gripes about Barnsley. Some famous sons have come from there like Michael Parkinson and Dickie Bird. But come on, Barnsley.
If they had said our bus station will be like the one in Barcelona or Sydney, then at least you would say there's some thought gone into it. But Barnsley...and is it any good anyway?
Well to be honest, no. It's horrible and within five years will be like the last bar in the universe, grimy, grotty and full of waifs, strays and vagabonds.
Anyway, if you fancy having a peek at the future, pop along to The Sentinel...
Breaking news, those teacher who were off to sunny Spain for a 'conference' (see yesterday's blog rant) have cancelled the trip!
I don't know what's worse. If they had gone at least the taxpayers' money would have been spent doing something but now...just a complete utter farce, and we paid for it! Get the latest by going The Sentinel .

Stoke-on-Trent teachers off to sunny Spain...

I know we all like to give teachers a bit of a kicking for their long holidays and short working days, but sometimes they don't do themselves any favours.
A school in Stoke-on-Trent has put its size nines in it big time. The head, in his wisdom, has taken up to 80 teachers to Marbella in Spain for a 'training conference'.
The head's arguments fall a bit flat. Firstly, he says that going off to Spain is cheaper than booking the same event in Britain, they went to Crewe last year, and secondly, the 'conference' was book before the credit crunch.
I think he misses the point in the story which appears in The Sentinel. The point is why are they going anywhere for a meeting when they could easily fit in the school hall and it would cost us, the poor old taxpayers, errrrrr...virtually nothing at all.
Ok, I accept that it's not a beach and sangria jolly (or do I?) but the money would be beter spent on the children at the school. Surely this isn't rocket science? If you fancy reading more or letting off some steam visit The Sentinel's website.

Fill your boots in Stoke-on-Trent

OK, I have to admit that I get slightly grumpy, it's just that time of life. But what is going on in Stoke-on-Trent?

On the face of it, it's great that the lottery is emptying its coffers to give Stoke-on-Trent Citizens Advice Bureau £500,000 so that its staff can help people claim their benefits. But is this the best use of the money?

Why are 750 staff being trained to help people get benefits? Surely, it would be much better if they trained staff to teach people how to get a job...bah humbug I hear you cry, but come on, what is going on?

The reason Stoke-on-Trent is in such a mess is because so many people can't be bothered to go to work. Stoke-on-Trent Council has even employed someone to solve ther problem of worklessness...what do you think?

You can read the benefits bonanza story by going to The Sentinel

Stoke-on-Trent legend

Twelve months' ago no-one gave a damn about Stoke City, except Stoke City fans. Then, out of the blue, or red in this case, they ended up in the Premier League. Suddenly, everyone's showing a little interest in life in the Potteries, including the odd legend.
So there we were, hanging around outside the Stoke mecca of the Britannia Stadium sunning ourselves when a stretched limo pulls up. Three or four guys, who looked like they were extras from the Blues Brothers, shoved us out of the way. Out of the depths of the car popped this little guy with a baseball hat and he scurries into the ground. The opinion was that:
a. He was an American rapper.
b. He was a wealthy lad from the Potteries (unlikely, the wealthy bit)
c. He was probably a boxer, only because boxer's always have the most ridiculous collection of heavies to guard them.
Why is it that boxers always have bodyguards? It's not as if they can't look after themselves. Anyway, the guy in the cap turns out to be the boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard. I'm not so sure he would have been so interested if Stoke have been playing Scunthorpe. But the lure of Chelsea most have been just too much...
There's a decent piece from the game on www.thisisthesentinel.co.uk/sport