Time for a fag, in Stoke-on-Trent...

Rebellion in the ranks in Stoke-on-Trent. I've just started smoking because the Government, headed by old Gordon Prudent, are bullying smokers into giving up. In defiance I'm now smoking 20 nails in the coffin a day to add to the poor record of smokers who litter the streets of the Potteries.

The advantage is that I'm now up with the gossip which seeps from the smoking shelter just outside our HQ in Smoke-on-Trent... The disadvantages are that I look as white as a tin of Dulux gloss, I smell, I've a permanent cough and I'm broke...£5.84 a pack!!??

However, it's a small price to pay to uphold the freedoms of our country and prevent Brownie from moving us into a Stalinist state.

My newsagent in Stoke-on-Trent is having a ball. Under new rules he will have to cover up cigarettes and they will be sold under the counter.

In preparation for this he has hidden all the cigarettes in the shop and asks customers to play "hide and seek" to find the naughty cancer sticks amongst his copies of The Sentinel...

All very well if you've got hours to spend and don't have to jump onto a First bus. This made me wonder what else is the Government going to hide because it's bad for you?

Should they hide butter because it could help give you a heart attack? What about petrol, it's bad for the atmosphere...and alcohol, doesn't do your liver much good.

The "hide and seek" policy is tried and tested, after all, you can never find an MP when you want one... Meanwhile, from my covert observation point somewhere in Stoke-on-Trent I've spotted Robbie Williams.

As predicted by me and not Midas, Stoke City's very own fortune teller, Robbie is destined to return home.

Ok, he may have decided to snub Stoke-on-Trent for Wiltshire but I'm sure he can be persuaded to buy a house in Burslem.
I mean, for £7m, the boy could buy the whole of Burslem and have some change...for more stories on life in Stoke-on-Trent, pop along to The Sentinel...

Time for Robbie Williams to come home to Stoke-on-Trent

Robbie Williams has obviously had enough of hanging out with all the nerds in down town LA. He wants to come home to Stoke-on-Trent.
How do I know? Well, the clues are all there...even Clouseau would solve this case. Firstly, there's the not so secret return to Stoke-on-Trent a couple of weeks' ago when he was caught at the Vale and then later at the Leopard Hotel, in Burslem.
Now Robbie is writing a blog about the "old days"... he's a bit young to get all tearful and bottom lip quivering over life in the Potteries, a clear sign of home sickness.
It will cost you £30 to view Robbie's tear-jerker (I wouldn't pay this for a week with the Robster at his home let alone chance to read the blog) and you get the chance to nip down to memory lane with the former Take That man.
Clue three is that Robbie was spotted cosying up to Barlow at a football match where he proclaimed his love of Man U (that's a football club near Stoke-on-Trent and in a higher division than the Vale).
And clue four to the crooner's return to Stoke-on-Trent is that we know his mum, who lives near Stoke-on-Trent, can keep an eye on Robbie, who needs a bit of TLC to keep him off anything naughty.
To close the case for Robbie's return... he'll realise that nothing has changed since he left, so he'll feel completely at home within the time he can give us a quick rendition of Angels.
The Robster will find Stoke-on-Trent is still stuck in circa 1971, Hanley looks like a poor man's Beirut, Vale are still rubbish and Take That are still good without him...
If you want to read more of Robbie's bygones pop along to The Sentinel...
PS: As I close the case for the prosecution it comes to light that The Leopard, the hotel Robbie visited on his recent return, is up for sale...perhaps the pop idol fancies the Burslem hot-spot as his new home...?????