NHS conspiracy in Stoke-on-Trent

Everyone is getting rather hot under the collar over the lack of hospital beds at the University of North Staffordshire Hospital, as reported in The Sentinel.
There are angry cries that the NHS is in crisis and whispers that Tony Blah and Gordon Prudent have conned the public by claiming that they were the saviours of the NHS.
In Stoke-on-Trent, we beg to differ. They are not saviours. A picture on the front page of The Sentinel shows patients on trolleys lining the corridor of the A&E unit.
Some patients have waited up to 12 hours to see a doctor (...they are the lucky ones. I tried to book an appointment at my local GPs the other day and was asked if an appointment in two weeks' time would be OK? I replied saying that was fine and I would ensure they had an invite to my funeral...I got an appointment within the hour.)
Anyway, back to the point. Recently, I contended that it was fine to offer patients appalling food at the same Stoke-on-Trent hospital because it ensured that inmates left as soon as they could for some home-cooked food rather than face a slow death-by-starving.
This means less beds were blocked. So, the latest strategy of having patients lying in corridors will have the same effect.
It will ensure that ill locals will decide to sweat it out at home rather than face lying in a corridor in the hope of seeing a doctor.
Who needs to pay consultants to sort out the bed blocking crisis? Rubbish food and a Third World image of patients in corridors will do the trick. I'm off to renew my Bupa membership. Should you wish to read more go to The Sentinel...

Day trip to Blackburn from Stoke-on-Trent

Stoke City, lauded throughout the Premier League for their free-flowing Brazilian-style of play, have once again pulled a rabbit out of the proverbial hat.
Desperate to thank fans for their loyalty, the club has agreed to pay for supporters to go to... Blackburn. A top Christmas gift?!
While this is a fine gesture will be greeted with glee, you've got to think that going from Stoke-on-Trent to Blackburn is a bit of a step down?
Now if it had been Barcelona or Roma, East Stirling (east where?), or even Boston, Lincolnshire, the flattest place on earth...but Blackburn.
It's a bit like the Christmas present from your auntie, you know, the present you don't want, the hand-knitted pullover...
So what has Blackburn got to offer those who make the trip from Stoke-on-Trent. Well it's home to Thwaites beer and "famous" sons include broadcaster Russell Harty, rugby player Will Greenwood and antiques TV show legend Ian McShane.
And, of course, a famous lyric in the Beatles' song 'A day in the Life'..."four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire"...
So, is it really worth the free rider on a smelly coach to the land of whippets, black pudding and flat caps...? You decide. Should you wish to read more about the footballing legends of Stoke City, go to The Sentinel...

Gordon Brown exposed in Stoke-on-Trent

Here in Stoke-on-Trent we've spotted what old 'Prudent' Brown is up to. The sly old fox realises that he will get a kicking at the next election from that young upstart and professional slime-ball David von Cameron.
Smarmy Davy boy looks likely to kick some butt and enter Number 10 despite the fact that he doesn't have too many admirers in the Potteries.
But he is going to find that the Bank of Government is a trillion pounds in the red and the only way of getting the cash back is from raising taxes (not very Tory) or slashing and burning public services (popular among those who pay a fortune in taxes for posts such as "senior officer for the Stoke-on-Trent City Council who teaches complete thugs to do flower arranging before they go and beat up a granny"...)
So Davy's sickly smile will soon become rather glum when he realises he will have to become more unpopular than Maggie Thatcher to slash the national debt.
He'll be out of power quicker than you can say Not Now (Alistair) Darling...meanwhile, back in Stoke-on-Trent we're not bother...
This is because we are only one of two places in Britain where house prices have actually risen during le crunch...homes have gone up by a staggering 0.9 per cent meaning that you can buy a five-bed home in Stoke-on-Trent, with double garage, jacuzzi, half-an-acre of land, for £15,000...
For more tales from the Potteries, go to The Sentinel...

Time for Robbie Williams to come home to Stoke-on-Trent

Robbie Williams has obviously had enough of hanging out with all the nerds in down town LA. He wants to come home to Stoke-on-Trent.
How do I know? Well, the clues are all there...even Clouseau would solve this case. Firstly, there's the not so secret return to Stoke-on-Trent a couple of weeks' ago when he was caught at the Vale and then later at the Leopard Hotel, in Burslem.
Now Robbie is writing a blog about the "old days"... he's a bit young to get all tearful and bottom lip quivering over life in the Potteries, a clear sign of home sickness.
It will cost you £30 to view Robbie's tear-jerker (I wouldn't pay this for a week with the Robster at his home let alone chance to read the blog) and you get the chance to nip down to memory lane with the former Take That man.
Clue three is that Robbie was spotted cosying up to Barlow at a football match where he proclaimed his love of Man U (that's a football club near Stoke-on-Trent and in a higher division than the Vale).
And clue four to the crooner's return to Stoke-on-Trent is that we know his mum, who lives near Stoke-on-Trent, can keep an eye on Robbie, who needs a bit of TLC to keep him off anything naughty.
To close the case for Robbie's return... he'll realise that nothing has changed since he left, so he'll feel completely at home within the time he can give us a quick rendition of Angels.
The Robster will find Stoke-on-Trent is still stuck in circa 1971, Hanley looks like a poor man's Beirut, Vale are still rubbish and Take That are still good without him...
If you want to read more of Robbie's bygones pop along to The Sentinel...
PS: As I close the case for the prosecution it comes to light that The Leopard, the hotel Robbie visited on his recent return, is up for sale...perhaps the pop idol fancies the Burslem hot-spot as his new home...?????

Getting your sums right in Stoke-on-Trent

It transpires that those who run our education system in Stoke-on-Trent aren't bad at getting their sums right.
Those clever people at Stoke-on-Trent Council have worked out that there will be 1,600 children who won't have a place at a senior school in 10 years' time.
The not so clever part is that they are errrrrrrrrrr...going to do nothing about this. This is because the council is just about to bulldoze many of the schools and build sparkling new academies. So there will be Bob the Builders everywhere knocking up classrooms.
The problem is that as soon as the builders' bums have disappeared from these sites they'll be back for more cups of tea to put up new classrooms for the extra numbers.
It just makes no sense, unless the council is trying to run a work creation scheme. It will also be more costly.
Simply, the new schools should be built, with the spare capacity in place for the flood of extra kids. This would be an effective use of builders and our money. But no. We are talking about Government and councils here.
If they can find a way of spending more of our money for no apparent reason then they will. If you want to read more, pop along to The Sentinel...

Brainless in Stoke-on-Trent

Acts of brainless stupidity have broken out in Stoke-on-Trent. Carers have withdrawn from helping out an immobile and incontinent pensioner because her husband had a starting pistol for pigeon racing in their house.
So care firm Creative Support, employed by Stoke-on-Trent City Council, just pulled out of helping poor old Nancy Nicklin. They just didn't turn up, leaving Nancy and husband John to carry on alone.
You would have thought that after all the anger over how social services behaved in the Baby P case that a bit more cerebral activity would go on before leaving a helpless pensioner without any care.
Now they've been given two care visits instead of four while an investigation into the "gun" incident is carried out.
Pathetic. Creative Care and Stoke-on-Trent City Council should hang their collective heads down in shame.
This so-called gun doesn't even fire anything. It is no worse than a child having a cap gun. It just goes bang! Even Staffordshire police say it's OK.
If care workers are going to stop visiting because of this what next? What about the seven inch knife most people have in their kitchen draw to carve their Sunday roast?
"Sorry sir, we cannot visit you from now on because you have an offensive carving knife..your wife will just have to get bed sores..." Great.
It's time that council and care services stopped sticking to the rules and started making some judgements using commonsense.
Anyone using a bit of sense would have realised that Baby P was in severe danger and needed to be removed from his family immediately. Anyone with commonsense would realise that a starting gun is not a dangerous weapon.
If you feel like letting off some steam, pop along to The Sentinel...

Acts of stupidity in Stoke-on-Trent, near Marbella

"Hell hath no fury like a headteacher scorned"... sometime ago in The Sentinel a story appeared about a head taking his staff to Marbella for a meeting.
The trip was cancelled after all parties realised that it was not a popular choice. Stoke-on-Trent parents were angry, governors concerned and some teachers miffed that they would have to give up a weekend of their own time in the land of sand, sea and sangria.
After the plug was pulled on the away days the matter should have been left to simmer down. But due to a massive dose of stupidity, the row rumbles on. Two governors' meetings to discuss the matter have been cancelled. A governor has resigned.
This governor, Don Evans, dared to speak his mind to the press, naughty boy.
The head, Peter Mercer, should have bowed out of the row gracefully. But the combative Mr Mercer has decided to write to the Cabinet Office questioning whether Mr Evans, who has served as a governor for 30 years, has any right to hold on to his MBE.
Talk about adding fuel to the fire. And to make matters worse, a copy of the letter was then posted on the school's staff noticeboard.
Mr Mercer needs to stand in a corner for a while and reflect on his behaviour. Alternatively, he could resign. Should you be minded, there's more to read on this by going to The Sentinel...

Going 'mental' in Stoke-on-Trent

Is the use of the word 'mental ' derogatory to people with mental health problems?
Here in Stoke-on-Trent at one of our fine education establishments, Staffordshire University, the frisbee team are in deep trouble with the students' union.
For the last six years those wacky frisbee players have been called the Mental Discs. But now the right on union have called time on the team and banned them using the name.
Union president Fiona Wood says the use of the word could be "misconstrued and it felt uncomfortable."
But it seems that the union may have taken things a little far. Even a mental health group in Stoke-on-Trent says that changing the name of the team will have little effect on reducing the stigma.
And are we also going to condemn all those children across Stoke-on-Trent and Britain today who will use the word mental in the playground?
Over the last few years the way people have used the word 'mental' has changed. Rather than referring to people with health problems it is more associated with people being off-the-wall, creative, fun and with character.
It is another example of how the English language has evolved. In reality, when people use it, it is not as a derogatory term and in no way refers to people with mental health problems.
I'm afraid the PC crowd have just got it wrong. We are all becoming too sensitive and precious. Are we going to ban the use of the word sex because it will offend people who aren't having any sex? Are we going to ban the use of the word football because some people can't play? What about banning the use of the word mortgage because it's insensitive as some people can't get one? Let's ban the word recession because it upsets people. Why not just come clean and ban all forms of communication? Then no-one will get upset. Should you wish to read more go to The Sentinel...
PS: Should we ban mental arithmetic...discuss...

Going round the bend in Stoke-on-Trent

My favourite road/cemetery, the part of the M6 which borders Stoke-on-Trent provided me with yet another moment of horror within the last 24 hours.
Every day you take your life in your own hands as you negotiate what must be the most dangerous road in Britain, if not the world.
So there I was, heading north away from Stoke-on-Trent watching the speeding lorry drivers swaying across the lanes and the 4x4 lunatics doing 120mph (I was driving at a sedate 70mph) when a flashing sign caught my eye.
It took a few brief seconds to realise what the words meant. They simply said: "Oncoming traffic".
Next to this was the advice to travel at 20mph. I slowed and the 4x4s and lorries went faster, overtaking me on the inside and outside lane (they would have driven through me if I they could).
My only thought was that as I travelled north, a vehicle was hurtling towards me at 80mph...No-one else seemed bothered as they headed away from Stoke-on-Trent.
Fortunately, the old bill had spotted a car travelling south on the northbound carriageway. I caught a glimpse of the driver, with his BMW (need I say more) pointing towards me as I passed.
For a moment I considered pulling up and punching the driver for putting us all at risk through his sheer studpidity, but decided it was better to leave it to the police to deliver the right kind of justice.
For more horror stories from the M6, visit The Sentinel...

Stoke-on-Trent expects

So, now it's payback time...because we now own half of the greedy high street banks and building societies, and we saved their jobs, we in Stoke-on-Trent expect some humility.
This should be in the form of immediate interest rate cuts to help those who are struggling to pay their mortgages.
However, despite Gordon Brown advocating mortgage rates are cut, the naughty bankers are saying that they will think about reducing interest rates to customers.
Think?! What is there to think about? The people of Stoke-on-Trent demand a cut. If it wasn't for us you wouldn't have an office to think in...
It's our tax payments that has saved these firms which have mishandled their businesses so badly that they were going down the pan.
Yet, I've never seen a word of thanks. All we hear is we maybes or mights and "any chance we can still have our bonus..."
These people have got to get real. Surely Gordon can step in and tell them to slash rates or he will pull the funding on behalf of the good people of Stoke-on-Trent (and Britain)...
To keep up with this story, pop along to The Sentinel...

Tattoo trouble in Stoke-on-Trent

So why do people need tattoos? You can always tell the Brits abroad, they're the ones with the wall to wall tattoos waiting to get on a plane while smoking a fag.
It's not art and it's not pretty. Tattoos look OK for about 30 seconds. But as you get older the tattoos get more repulsive. They just lack class. Even David Beckham's are looking a bit cheap and nasty and he can afford the finest tattooist in the land.
However, would you employ someone who had a tattoo on his face? This is the question causing much debate across Stoke-on-Trent.
Security guard Tim Bibby has been prevented from getting work at NCP because of the tattoo on his mug. NCP say they are following orders from Richard Branson's chums at Virgin.
Just think what would happen if Virgin banned beards...
Personally, I don't know what all the fuss is about. What will happen next? You can't have a job because you're ugly, or overweight, or your eyes are too close together.
Virgin's blanket ban on tattoos not being visible doesn't seem very liberal considering their boss has a hairstyle from circa 1973...
So, if you want to read more and pass a comment, go to The Sentinel...

Out-gunned in Stoke-on-Trent

In 1999 Alex Ferguson said those immortal lines after Manchester United won the European Cup with just seconds to go. They were: "Football. Bloody hell."
OK, they are hardly eloquent and wouldn't pass as great philosophy, but somehow it sums up what most fans feel every week of their life.
Here in Stoke-on-Trent we have had a touch of the Fergie's after Stoke City sent Arsenal packing at the weekend. Simply, Arsenal didn't fancy standing up to Stoke City, a team that may not seem fit to grace the high table of the "big four" but with passion and courage overcame their slicker opponents.
To put it simply, Arsenal, the Gunners, left the Britannia Stadium a bit shell-shocked after Stoke's not so secret weapon, Rory Delap's long throw, caused chaos in the Gunners' ranks. Just a couple of days' earlier he had delivered the same knock-out punch to hapless Sunderland. Ok, it's not pretty, but who cares?
One punter has already suggested that Fifa will get involved and ban long throws (!!!) because they don't want Stoke City to gatecrash the Premier League party and would rather they wallow in the depths of the Championship!
Should you be minded to read more, pop along to The Sentinel...