Time for a fag, in Stoke-on-Trent...

Rebellion in the ranks in Stoke-on-Trent. I've just started smoking because the Government, headed by old Gordon Prudent, are bullying smokers into giving up. In defiance I'm now smoking 20 nails in the coffin a day to add to the poor record of smokers who litter the streets of the Potteries.

The advantage is that I'm now up with the gossip which seeps from the smoking shelter just outside our HQ in Smoke-on-Trent... The disadvantages are that I look as white as a tin of Dulux gloss, I smell, I've a permanent cough and I'm broke...£5.84 a pack!!??

However, it's a small price to pay to uphold the freedoms of our country and prevent Brownie from moving us into a Stalinist state.

My newsagent in Stoke-on-Trent is having a ball. Under new rules he will have to cover up cigarettes and they will be sold under the counter.

In preparation for this he has hidden all the cigarettes in the shop and asks customers to play "hide and seek" to find the naughty cancer sticks amongst his copies of The Sentinel...

All very well if you've got hours to spend and don't have to jump onto a First bus. This made me wonder what else is the Government going to hide because it's bad for you?

Should they hide butter because it could help give you a heart attack? What about petrol, it's bad for the atmosphere...and alcohol, doesn't do your liver much good.

The "hide and seek" policy is tried and tested, after all, you can never find an MP when you want one... Meanwhile, from my covert observation point somewhere in Stoke-on-Trent I've spotted Robbie Williams.

As predicted by me and not Midas, Stoke City's very own fortune teller, Robbie is destined to return home.

Ok, he may have decided to snub Stoke-on-Trent for Wiltshire but I'm sure he can be persuaded to buy a house in Burslem.
I mean, for £7m, the boy could buy the whole of Burslem and have some change...for more stories on life in Stoke-on-Trent, pop along to The Sentinel...