That sinking feeling, in Stoke-on-Trent

All hell has broken loose here in Stoke-on-Trent. In a bid to stop binge drinking fire eaters and a man on stilts have been asked to take to the streets. Are they mad? Who in their right mind would go onto the streets of Newcastle-under-Lyme on one of the biggest party nights of the year with inflammable liquid... Do health and safety know?? Let's face it, after 14 pints some hoodlum is going to fancy having a go and then in a puff of smoke they'll be on trolley at the University Hospital of North Staffordshire quicker than you can say Snow White... And the man on stilts. You can just see it as someone who has had a couple of shandies rolls up with an axe and tries to chop him down.
You can just hear the conversation: "Oh, look, there's a man on stilts, I must remember not to drink 20 shots of Vodka and then vomit in the street..."
It's just not going to happen. What next? How about in an attempt to stop drug-taking on the streets of Stoke-on-Trent we are sending in the clowns..."Oh, look, I won't be injecting heroin today because there's a really funny clown..." Really?!
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